And everything seemed to go SO well...

This week has been, for me, a bag full of mixed feelings. While Monday and Tuesday were fun and I spent some quality time with my friends, Wednesday was a mess. Without apparent reason, I became all angsty all of a sudden. I started saying stupid things about myself at my classmates, a dog hit me (but didn't bite me), the weather was cold, I ridiculed myself in class THREE times (don't ask how) and had a small fight with a friend.

Today, things started to get better. And then, they went even worse than yesterday. My personality clashes (as the one referenced in my poem of the same title) went on, the "woe-is-me" stuff reappeared after six months of hard work on self-esteem, and an invisible cage seems to hold my true emotions back, keeping my face deadpan and indifferent as always (note the signature "sleepy" eyes in my deviantID).

It seems that, in me, teen angst will remain as long as I remain an angsty teen. I mean, I'm not considered a "teen" anymore. I'm getting closer to the beginning of my life's second decade.

But why do these silly emotions come back, when I simply don't need them anymore? Why do I keep being sad, when I could smile? Why do I keep treating my friends so badly and then feel sorry about it and apologize, when I could just be nice and friendly to them? Why do I keep wasting the good opportunities and keep looking for things I know I will never obtain?

What's going on with me? My adolescence era is over, so why does it keep hurting me?

Sitting on my PC helps me get over that stuff. You know, playing games, listening to music, watching videos, making art. But I can't just sit on my porch for my entire life. I try to move on, but the train of life is too fast for me to catch.

Chances are, in a few years from now, I won't remember the above and laugh at myself for having been such a weird and self-obsessed youngster. Every man has to walk these hard paths at least once in his life. I just hope this whole "garbage-filled-mind"-ish feeling won't last for long. Exams are coming in a few months, and I won't let myself thing about this stuff instead of studying.

Thank you for reading my thoughts and for supporting me.

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ABOUT MYSELF

I am a digital artist. The programs I use are Photoshop and Poser, and I've used Bryce in some of my older pics. My work is mostly experimental; in most cases, I'm not trying to make something specific, I'm just messing around with my collection of Photoshop plug-ins and its built-in effects. Once I think I'm done fiddling with a pic, I upload it on DA. Simple! I'm also a poet.

As of 2008, I have created more than two hundred pictures. I'll post the most recent ones on DA, as well as some of my old ones, which you will find in the category "Oldies" in my gallery.

Any comments will be appreciated. If you want to know more about me, click on this [link] for an (almost) complete description of myself.

Go see eluk's profile for more information about the INTERNATIONAL ART EXHIBITION [link]